What your summer nail polish says about you

Like many Seventeen magazine freelance writers, I have applied my deep mystic insight into the human psyche to analyze the rationales behind the colors we choose to paint our nails – specifically, in the summer time. Which color are you?

Not to be confused with Mint, which is what we call the exact same shade in the winter time. You’re whimsical, but not reckless. You enjoy talking about ballsy activities like sky-diving and base-jumping but would never actually do them. Instead of wasting money on exotic travels, you invest in assorted pants, vests, and headbands from LuluLemon Athletica and a 100-pack of white chocolate macadamia Luna Bars. You probably don’t like reptiles. You buy wooden beads at craft fairs and delete your Facebook every few weeks because “Real life is happening out here.”

Since we all know orange doesn’t look good with anything, you’re fearless if you made this move. Either that or you read a bullshit article somewhere that told you orange nail polish makes you fearless. You’re simply you — and nothing rhymes with you.

When I see a girl with coral nail polish, I think, “Wow, she’s got it together.” How is the job? And the long-term boyfriend? Both fantastic, I presume. Never better. You understand that this color is only slightly different than orange but for whatever reason goes well with everything. Especially engagement rings and delicate bouquets of flowers. In a few years you are going to have the nicest lawn in the gated community.

You’re hiding something. The same way white-out attempts to cover up inked mistakes but only ends up amplifying them, your Marshmallow Fluff nail polish is screaming “I HAVE A SECRET” in a raspy whisper. Or maybe you just want to look a little more tan, that’s possible too.

Embracing that Middle-School-Goth-Chic look, you’re the type of gal who paints your nails just so you can angstily chip them off a few hours later while listening to The Shins. You’re probably reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being for the third time but hunching over your chair so no one sees and asks you about it. Human interaction is overrated, and nothing in life means anything anyway because as soon as it happens it’s over.

Happy Summer, bitches!

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