6 ways to force Bryan to hang out with you

Bryan’s so hot and so down to earth. The only problem is, he’s always got some cute excuse why he can’t hang out, like “No, I’m busy” or “I don’t see you that way”. It’s time to heat things up between you and Bryan, and if he’s not going to take the initiative, here are some ways you can.

  1. Appendicitis: If, mid-conversation, you succumb to a bad bout of appendicitis, he would be a total jerk not to escort you to the emergency room and stay the night as you recover from the traumatic surgery. Who needs an appendix when you’ve got Bryan’s reluctant presence at your hospital bedside?
  2. Pokemon Go Lure: Wait til sundown in a secluded urban alleyway to set the trap. Bryan’s got to catch ’em all, so you know he’ll come. Soak your cutest top in chloroform the night before and embrace him tightly so he’s more docile.
  3. Car Trouble: Park outside his house and drop your keys down the storm drain. If you’re willing to really commit to this one, drop your phone, too. This leaves you with only one option: knocking on his door and coming inside while the two of you passionately decide how to get you out of his house. Who knows, it may take all night. Especially if you lock yourself in his bathroom.
  4. Eviction: Report instances of illicit drug use and human trafficking from Bryan’s roommate Vince’s room. Get that bitch evicted. Then head straight to the leasing office and fill that vacancy with your fun-loving self before Bryan can say “Stay the hell away from me” in that adorable way he does.
  5. Street Mugging: Get your sketchiest friend to put on a hoodie and jump Bryan as he walks alone in his typically quiet neighborhood. Coordinate this to a T so you pass by the scene right as your masked comrade descends. Depending on what valuables Bryan has on him, this could turn into a lengthy investigation so you’ll definitely get plenty of face time in the months following.
  6. Lost Dog: Steal his unsuspecting King Charles Cavelier, Charles, in the night, then wait a few days for posters to come up. Insist to Bryan that he’s more likely to find Charles if he offers a hefty monetary reward. Then, just as all hope seems to be lost, find Charles wounded in your backyard. How odd, the little guy just curled up back there! Bryan will arrive at your door as you’re lovingly nursing Charles back to health. This wins you his gratitude, affection and money.

One thought on “6 ways to force Bryan to hang out with you

  1. Pingback: Hiatus: PPOP takes advantage of FMLA, retains rights to domain name with their own money – pen pals on pills

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