You know those nights when everyone forgot to befriend you and they’re out having fun while you’re alone, blacking out on bourbon watching Linkin Park music videos? Don’t let isolation get you down! Use these tips to weave a Snapchat story that lends the illusion of companionship.
1. Pour the bottle of wine you’re about to down in one sitting into two glasses for a picture.
Caption: Girls’ night with the best
2. Turn off all the lights except for one (this will serve as the strobe), play overlapping audios of Flo Rida’s “My House” and this “Fancy Diner #2” background noise recording, then take a video spinning around and giggling.
Caption: the club can’t even hande us rn
3. Paint the nails on your right hand a spunky shade of coral, and the nails on your left a whimsical seafoam green. Set your self-timer to 10 seconds and position your selfie stick such that only your wrists and hands are in view. Cross your arms and hold them as parallel as you can–it should look unnatural–then flip off the camera with both hands. Use that weirdly bright filter to justify the identical skin tones of the hands.
Caption: Spring Break Bitchez
4. Dim the lights in your hallway and take a picture at an abstract angle, then use the black and white filter to really obscure the setting.
Caption: lol where are we
5. Cook (or buy, whatever) a deliciously indulgent meal of your choice. Something oozing with cheese, carbs, salt and self-loathing. Or even a Costco tub of Tollhouse cookie dough will do. When it’s ready (or the tub is open), take a picture.
Caption: idk how he eats so much
6. Go to a public place and find a group of friends, and pretend to take a selfie while actually zooming in on a few of them. Use the filter that displays the time.
Caption: Squad. And we just gettin started.