“you look good, you feel good, you do good”

I preach this phrase incessantly even though it’s grammatically incorrect.

In college I’d spend extra time doing my hair and makeup before taking a final. Yeah, I’d study too, but I think my ingenious answers cruise through my troubled brain easier without extra insecurities about my physical appearance darting in front of them like stupid squirrels. Or deer. I fucking hate deer.

Anyway. Today I’m putting this claim to the test, and really hoping it fails.

I go to the gym before work every morning because running three miles makes the first three beers not count. My office is right across the street from the gym, so I pack biz-casual clothes to wear after showering, then stroll on over to work. I time everything perfectly.

Today somehow I forgot to pack work clothes.

Just go home and get them, this isn’t even a story, you’re thinking. Well fuck you. I would have, if it weren’t 9:30am on the morning of a 10 o’ clock meeting. The traffic scene in Silicon Valley is kind of like Black Friday at Urban Outfitters. Like, it makes you wonder why people keep having children–but instead of being stuck between two teenage girls fighting over a tribal-print shawl, you’re stuck between two seafoam green Priuses going 7mph. No such thing as a ‘quick trip home’ in these parts.

I never fully unpacked my car after I moved to my current house, so all the clothes I kind of hate are stuffed in my trunk along with yoga mats, a lamp, and some huge history textbooks I forgot to return. It’s like a thrift store after their going-out-of-business blowout sale. And now it was my only alternative to sweat-soaked spandex, so I dug through it.

I’ve made it through meeting #1 of 3 in my glorious ensemble: a pink flip-flop from CVS on my left foot, a muddy Converse high-top on my right, and a ripped dress that once got snagged in my bike chain and is now streaked with black oil.

The sad thing is, I bet some teenage girls would fight over this outfit at Urban Outfitters.

I truly hope we aren’t meeting with any investors today.

Helen

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